I started composing this album in the middle of creating the “concept album,” Making better choices for the thesis of my Master of Counselling degree. Through Making better choices I exhumed and acknowledged the steady strum of trauma and loss (brought by complications of my budding [homo]sexuality, and the concurrent AIDS crisis) I experienced up to the beginning of my 30s. With nearly every song, I cried – both over the loss, but more so over my new appreciation for the ways I and the people around me struggled to find and tend and grow something of beauty… something to cherish amid the rejection and loss.
A lot of the songs on this album are about or reflecting on experiences that happened within the timeframe of the Jimmy song on Making better choices. A complex and rich time (that the song barely grazes)… no doubt both because of all the shit that went down, and because it occurred in my “memory bump.”
For a time, I was going to call the album Adrian Lyn, the name I created for myself (after an episode of sexual assault) for about six months (and dropped when I couldn’t cash a paycheque)… and then had what I called a “nervous breakdown,” where I pulled away as much as I could (much through substance use) from the sticky, complex things in my life… including my name change.
I settled on a “final” name for the album, Re-sil[i]ence… indicating while there was much resilience I was uncovering, there was also a lot making me feel I had to immediately cover up again… or re-silence myself (mostly due to now being executive director of a youth-serving organization in a conservative city… exactly the challenge I feel suits me, but concurrently complicates openness about the tawdry details of my life).
When I tried to submit Re-sil[i]ence, it was rejected by online stores for its queer punctuation. I played with the title Helpmate or meddler (from the song Tumultuous sea), but it wasn’t redolent of the whole album. Then I considered To adapt is to die (probably my favourite song on the album – mostly due to the video I made for it, that features our dogs), but couldn’t get it to look pleasing on an album cover. In the end I settled on the broader title of The tide (which, were it not for the To adapt is to die video, might be my favourite song on the album… sonically, at least).