While I was writing the Untameable tangle album and going through all the change that it charts… I was both occasionally falling back into re-recording old songs that were less charged with disruption (or at least current disruption), and thinking about the possibility of performing my music again publicly, which I hadn’t really done in years.
At one point I’d even picked out a venue and a date and a set list, but got cold feet. It wasn’t that I had performance anxiety, but more that my work life, unlike when I worked in the arts, had become so much about other people… to the point that to invite a spotlight upon myself felt like it might risk undermining everything else.
This is a tension that has just continued to grow.
In any case, because I never seem to have the foresight to write down the piano music or guitar chords I play on songs… it took quite some time for me to noodle around on my keyboard and guitar to figure out how to play some of these songs again and then record them (while I continued to explore the idea of performing some of them live).
Some of these songs (like Just like me) I found that when playing live, I couldn’t play the music as it was on the original recording (where I had recorded the music first, and then sung to it on another take). Something about the metre of the lyrics clashing with the metre of the keyboard and making it feel like trying to tap my head and rub my tummy at the same time.